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Signs you need to do Forgiveness Work

Even if you believe that you have mastered forgiveness, it is wise to double-check if this really is the case. Signs to look out for and a humble share how exactly this happened to me.

Last month I had the brilliant idea to write about forgiveness on my blog.

After I had written two posts, I was convinced that personally, I had no problem with forgiving others and was a master of forgiveness.

Ironically, at the same time did I find myself in a coaching session where all coaches were asked to start to do Forgiveness Work.

In the back of my mind I thought that I don’t really need this task.

Boy, how wrong I was.

Although I did write a short forgiveness letter to myself in order to meet the homework, it was not a very long one. Nor did I see a need to write a letter to another person in my family.

Only two coaching sessions later, when a limiting belief of myself came up and was analysed thoroughly with our coach, did I realise that I needed to write a forgiveness letter to my Mum.

Until that moment, my previous forgiveness „work“ was only a surf on the water, rather than diving in DEEP.

Whilst forgiving a person starts with the decision in our heart to do so, it is only the start.

We need a medium to release the feelings that we have in us.

When we look at the word release in the Cambridge Dictionary, the following description shows up:

release: "to express a feeling that you have been trying not to show"

What are ways to express such feelings?

A great way is by writing everything down in form of a letter.

And even better: reading the letter afterwards.

If we miss this point, the emotions will always remain somewhere in us, simply because our feelings have not been released.

So if you are still feeling that you are holding on to someone or something from the past, it is a sign that you have not gone through the entire forgiveness process yet.

Back to my case and the letter for my mum: I am very happy to say that I have successfully written it. I felt pretty awkward in the process and afraid to be honest.

However, it has more than paid off.

It enabled me to understand my mothers side better.

Had I not shared the letter with her, would she not have been able to talk to me about it and share her thoughts.

Also, getting full clarity on the relationships with our parents opens the door to have better relationships with other people.

Our attachment style is formed in the early years of our childhood, so there is not really a way to circumvent releasing the feelings or thoughts that relate to our parents.

If you want to tap into the forgiveness process and are seeking further guidance along the way, reach out and send an e-mail to me to

Much love and Blessings

Nicole Joy

10 Signs you need to do forgiveness work

When you can relate to one ore more of the below feelings when you think of a certain person, it is an indication that you have not completely forgiven yet. Although you might think you have:

- you feel that not everything has been communicated that should have been said

- you feel awkward towards the person

- you have feelings of anger or hate towards that person

- you prefer not to talk about the person because it triggers something in you

- thinking of the person makes you feel regret or guilt

- you do not have a clear conscience when you think of the person

- you feel kind of emotional when you think of the person

- you do not know what to talk about with the person

- you feel resentment

- you are afraid to tell the person what you really think about him/her


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